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Chapter 2 – Shame and Acceptance
As I sat on Matt’s couch, the taste of his cock and cum in my mouth, I began to shiver. Matt got me a towel and told me to take a hot shower to warm up. I did so without thinking, my mind a whirlwind of images: Matt’s beautiful dick, me on my knees, eating his cum. After so many years of fantasizing I had finally done the deed. As I dried off, Matt came in and slapped my ass. I realized that he hadn’t tried to kiss me and took a step towards him, looking for some contact. He backed off and told me that he didn’t kiss men. I was so new to this game that I was a bit taken aback but said nothing other than a meek apology. Matt entered the shower while I returned to the living room to get dressed, wondering if I was just a one-night stand. The euphoria I had felt just minutes earlier had disappeared.
When Matt finished and came out of the shower, I was already dressed and ready to go home, as it had become quite late on this Sunday night. I had no idea what to say. I wanted to meet him again, but I didn’t want to appear like an overeager schoolgirl with a crush. I told him I had a good time and he said he’d mail me in a couple of weeks as he would be out of town until then. We shook hands and he showed me out.
As I walked down the hill to hail a taxi, I began to have second thoughts. I became convinced that passersby knew my secret. Was there cum in my hair? Did my breath smell like cock? I hadn’t brushed my teeth and could still taste Matt’s cum on my tongue. It wasn’t as appealing as earlier, and I felt my first pangs of regret. What had I done? Suddenly the label was not just cocksucker, but dirty down-low cum-swallowing cocksucker. I was conflicted. I had enjoyed sucking Matt’s dick while I was doing it, but now I saw myself as a pathetic prostitute who hadn’t even been paid. Suddenly I was sure that I didn’t want to do it again.
After returning home, I immediately went to the adult site where I had first encountered Matt and changed the sexuality on my profile to straight. I didn’t need any other guys contacting me. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that my cocksucking days were over. It was a failed experiment.
The next day at work, I tried to forget about the experience, but I had become paranoid and thought my colleagues could tell that I had another man’s cum in my stomach. Of course, that wasn’t true, but I was still ashamed of what I had done. If other people knew, what would they think of me? That night I went back to the site and found a message from a young local lady. She was online so I responded and we were quickly chatting. I was driven by a desire to prove myself straight so I invited her over. Surprisingly she accepted and within 30 minutes she was in my apartment. She was perhaps 21 and nervous and I realized she might not have much experience in this arena. I had her sit on the couch while I poured a glass of wine for each of us.
I didn’t waste much time, making small talk for a few minutes before moving close and kissing her, a seduction by force. She didn’t seem to mind my aggressiveness though and was energetic in her response. We were soon in my bedroom where I nearly ripped off her clothes. When she was naked, I pushed her onto the bed and straddled her chest, my cock at her mouth. She suddenly seemed unsure of what to do, so I told her to open her mouth. She complied and I shoved my cock in, face fucking her hard. She gagged a few times, so I pulled out and entered her pussy instead. I was vicious, fucking her like a wild man, all to prove to myself that I was not gay. I could tell that she was no longer enjoying it as I rammed her again and again. Just before I came, I pulled my cock out and shot my load all over her face. She had no idea what had hit her as she lay there covered in my jizz, but I didn’t care. I was not gay. An asshole maybe, but not gay. I got her a towel and watched as she disgustedly wiped my cum off her face. I offered her the shower, but she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I didn’t bother with any pleasantries as I knew she would never come back after the way I treated her.
After she left, I relaxed, confident again in my sexuality. It occurred to me that I had cheated on Janine not once but twice. I felt no guilt though. We had been talking less over the past few weeks, as is typical in a long-distance relationship, and it was obvious that we were not going to stay together much longer. It turned out that I wasn’t the only one being unfaithful, Janine had met somebody and was spending her evenings with him, which explained why she didn’t have time to talk with me. The official breakup canlı bahis was still weeks away though, but for all intents and purposes, I was single again.
Over the next couple of weeks, I went to bars trying to pick up women every night. I succeeded a couple of times, and when I didn’t, I went to a club where I knew I could pay for one. I fucked 8 different chicks during that time, and I was convinced that my gay experiences were far behind me. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
When I got home Friday night, I saw that I had received a message from Matt. He had returned from his business trip and wanted me to drop by tomorrow. I had not expected to hear from him again and my cock stirred against my wishes. What was wrong with me? I spent hours trying to ignore the message, but the memories of my first night with a cock in my mouth returned. I began to stroke myself and while I was hard, I replied to the message, agreeing to drop by Saturday evening. I then jerked off thinking of Matt’s dick pulsating in my mouth.
The next day I was a nervous wreck. I had spent so much time trying to convince myself that I was straight but my cock had other ideas. I simply had no control over its desires, so that evening I found myself hailing a taxi to Matt’s place. As I walked up the hill to his apartment, my cock was achingly hard. Matt buzzed me in and I took the elevator, hiding my hard-on from another passenger.
At Matt’s door, I hesitated. Was I really going to suck cock again? Before I could knock, Matt opened the door a bit. It was odd that he hadn’t opened it fully. I took the bait, walking in and shutting the door behind me but Matt wasn’t there. I removed my shoes and went to the living room, but he wasn’t on the couch either. I continued to look for him, perplexed, trying the bathroom and coming up empty. The only place left was the bedroom, which I had not seen on my last visit. The door was partially closed, so I pushed it open and there was Matt, naked on the bed with his gorgeous cock hard and ready for me. “Come and suck this straight boy”, he said.
He had obviously seen the change in my online profile and was teasing me. He knew I wasn’t straight and I had to admit the same to myself. Straight men don’t call cocks gorgeous. The hesitation and nerves that I had felt all day were gone. I immediately got on the bed and began to lick his cock and balls, stroking him, burying my face in his crotch and smelling his musky scent again. “I said suck it”, he demanded.
I looked at him and put his cock in my mouth while maintaining eye contact. He smiled at me and began to grind his hips, forcing his cock deeper into my mouth. I let him face fuck me for a while and then started sucking him. I guess I had improved my technique from the first time as he didn’t complain and was groaning loudly. He continued to lie on the bed and I continued to service him, feeling his balls while my mouth and tongue worked on his dick. “Finger my ass, straight boy”, he commanded.
I had never touched another guy’s asshole but my hand slowly moved under his balls and I tentatively brushed it with my finger. “That won’t do”, he said and sat up, removing his cock from my mouth and turning over, showing me his ass.
“Lick my asshole! Make it wet and finger it!”
I didn’t know what to do. My fantasies had always been about cock. I had rimmed a few ladies but this was too much. Matt got into a doggie position and raised his ass to my face. “If you don’t want it, you can leave now. No more cock for you”.
Oh God, I wanted his cock back in my mouth so badly. I slowly lowered my face to his ass and kissed his puckered asshole. My tongue darted out and I started to lick it, its rough edges surprisingly pleasurable to me. I pushed my face into his ass and my tongue forced its way inside his hole, as he moaned wildly. I found myself enjoying the feeling as my hand reached around to grab his cock and stroke it. I began to lick and kiss his asshole with vigor, making it wetter and wetter while my hand continued to work on his cock. My tongue probed deeper into his asshole, stretching it and drenching it with my spit.
I removed my face from his asshole and inserted my finger. Despite the wetness, it was tight. I pushed a little bit harder and his asshole opened a bit, much to his delight. He pushed his ass towards me and my finger disappeared inside. Suddenly Matt pushed me off the bed and told me to get on my knees. I did as I was told, my finger remaining lodged in his ass. Matt cautiously stood up, ensuring my finger did not fall out, and slapped my face with his cock, leaving traces of precum bahis siteleri on my cheeks. As I continued to finger him, he forced his cock into my mouth. I started to suck but had trouble doing that while fingering him too. I relaxed my mouth and let him take control while my finger explored his backside. He was certainly enjoying it as he gyrated his body, his cock pushing deep into my mouth while his asshole kept hold of my finger. I couldn’t believe that he had cum yet as he slowly pleasured himself with my mouth.
I had yet to undress and my cock was straining against my jeans, and there was a small wet spot where my own precum was leaking out. I was in agony down there and I finally pulled my finger out of Matt’s ass and undid my jeans to allow my cock some breathing room, without letting Matt’s cock out of my warm mouth. With both hands free, I grabbed his balls and began to suck him, taking control again, slurping up and down repeatedly, paying particularly attention to his head, which I loved to kiss and suck. I could feel his balls tensing a bit and thought I would soon be drinking another load of Matt’s juice when he suddenly pulled out. “Get naked and on the bed!”, he ordered.
I quickly removed my clothes and hopped onto the bed, lying flat on my back. Matt quickly straddled me and I had flashbacks to the previous week, where I had done the same to that poor girl. He cock slapped me a few times and told me to kiss it. I did as I was told, puckering my lips and kissing his cock tip, and licking the sensitive part just underneath. He started to stroke himself faster and his cock banged into my nose and eyes. Without warning, he pushed my head down on the pillow and let out a grunt. I would not be eating tonight. His first spurt hit me in the eye and he proceeded to expertly cover the rest of my face with his load. When he was done, he dismounted and admired his handiwork. “Take care of yourself, straight boy”.
I couldn’t move my head because it was covered in cum. Matt didn’t offer me a towel. I suddenly knew how the girl I had facialized just 12 days prior felt. My cock was still hard though, so I began to jerk off while Matt watched. He brought his semi-stiff cock back to my mouth and I kissed it. I found myself incredibly turned on by the smell of his cum and the feeling of his cock losing its rigidity. I soon exploded myself, coming all over my stomach and chest.
I lay there for a minute, my face drenched with Matt’s seed, my body with my own. Matt made no move to help me clean up, he just grinned. “Not so straight after all.”
Eventually, Matt allowed me to take a shower. Before entering, I looked at my face in the mirror, stunned at what I saw. There was barely a patch of skin that wasn’t covered by a streak or clump of white. Matt had saved up for this I thought. Surprisingly, I didn’t mind the sight or the feeling.
I showered slowly, taking care to ensure that the smell of cum was gone. As the hot water pelted my shoulders, I knew I had to figure myself out. I was obviously not straight, but not gay. Still, I had to admit I had enjoyed the experience, being ordered to service a man. What was I then?
When I returned to the bedroom, Matt had dressed. He invited me to have a drink with him and as it was Saturday, I agreed. He admitted that he had seen my profile change, but he wasn’t surprised in the least. He told me that many straight guys feel shame after giving their first blow job. The whole masculinity thing is hard to shake, and it takes time to accept that you enjoy cock. His explanation relieved me, but talking to the man who had just covered my face with his cum was surreal. I wondered what would come next.
Matt asked me if I had any other fantasies, and I admitted that I didn’t. I had always focused on sucking so the rim job, fingering and receiving a facial were all new to me. He asked me to think about some and told me not to worry, being bisexual was a whole lot better than being straight. As he showed me out, he told me he would write again soon.
After I got back to the apartment, I still felt a bit of shame. I had been abused by another man. He had forced me to suck him, lick his asshole, finger it, and take his cum on my face. Then I had to jerk off as well. Deep down, I knew I liked it and I knew that I would be doing it again. As I searched the Internet, I found that there was a sizable portion of the male population like me. Straight identified but who loved to suck cock. I realized that I was a bi submissive. There was no point denying it, shame or not: I enjoyed orally servicing other men.
Three days later, Matt wrote me, asking bahis şirketleri me about my fantasies. I had begun to think about some things I would like to try, but I didn’t want to rush it. I really wanted to concentrate on improving my sucking technique. I told him as much and he invited me over the following night.
I had the routine down pat. Taxi to the bottom of the hill, walk up, get buzzed in and try to hide my raging hard on from any other passengers in the elevator. This time Matt met me at the door, still dressed in his work clothes. He led me to the couch, where he sat down. I tried to sit next to him, but he pushed me onto the floor, forcing me to my knees in front of him. “Practice makes perfect”, was all he said.
I hesitated. Both the previous times, he had presented his hard cock for me to suck. Now it was hidden beneath his pinstripe pants. I couldn’t see anything stirring there, so I moved my head into his crotch and kissed the fabric. I could feel his dick with my lips so I kissed again, harder. Matt’s cock began to twitch. I reached for it and stroked, feeling it slowly harden. I undid his belt and the button on his trousers, unzipping his pants, revealing a pair of tight black briefs with the cock slowly taking shape behind them. Again, I moved in and kissed it through the cotton. I loved the feeling of his underwear on my mouth and began to lick it, making it wet. Matt was still wearing his shirt, so I moved my attention to that, unbuttoning it slowly and kissing his hairy chest underneath. I spent some time on his nipples, licking them lightly as the shirt came off. I realized that during our previous sessions, my attention had been solely on his cock and balls, so I hadn’t spent any time on his upper body. He seemed to like it as I kissed and sucked his nipples, making them hard enough to bite lightly. My hand meanwhile was on his cock, rubbing it through his underwear while Matt kicked off his pants. He allowed me to explore him and I moved up, kissing him on his shoulders and neck. I remembered he wasn’t into kissing men on the lips, so I moved back down before I got carried away.
I slowly moved my head lower onto his abs, kissing and licking on the way down, my hand continuing to feel his cock strengthening. Matt was losing patience and he began to push my head towards his member, the head of which was now tenting through the fly in his briefs, glistening with precum. I kissed it, tasting him again, before putting back inside his underwear. I wanted more of that wet cotton in my mouth and again began to lick and suck his cock through his briefs. I couldn’t believe how much I enjoyed this new experience. Drops of precum appeared and I licked them hungrily. After a minute or two of this, his shorts were completely soaked with my spit. I knew it was time to see my evening meal. I moved back to get a good look. Matt’s rock-hard cock was perfectly outlined within the briefs. I stared at it in lust. Slowly my hands made their way to the waistband. I realized that there was nothing more in the world I wanted than to see that cock in all its glory. I slipped the briefs down and over his cock, groaning uncontrollably in anticipation. I rolled them down his legs and Matt was now naked in front of me. I stared at his cock, transfixed, while I took off my own clothes, leaving just my underwear on.
I knew Matt was desperate for my mouth on his member, so I moved in close and put it in my mouth. I knew for sure now that I was bi, I simply loved the feeling of his dick in my mouth. I slowly began to suck, trying to deep throat him without gagging. I was more successful than in the past and he encouraged me to keep going. His cockhead was in my throat as my mouth and tongue explored the shaft. It was too much to take, so I let it out to grab a breath. As I held it for a second, I realized that I loved it. I loved Matt’s cock and wanted to make it happy. I proceeded to suck, lick, stroke, and eat his cock and balls for nearly 30 minutes as he grunted and groaned. Every time I sucked, I let out an involuntary moan, my own cock incredibly hard and ready to explode itself.
Matt finally managed to ask where I wanted it. I loved my facial from a few days ago, but I wanted to taste his full load again. Without letting his cock out of my mouth, I signaled that I would eat his cum. Matt nodded his approval and I went back to sucking hard, waiting for my reward. I didn’t have to wait long, as Matt suddenly bucked his hips, driving his cock deep into my mouth and sending a first shot of cum straight down my throat. I continued to suck as he came in spurts and I caught every bit, loving the taste and texture. After he finished, I continued to suck him as he relaxed, his cock slowly softening in my mouth. When I finally pulled back, his beautiful dick lay there satisfied and I realized that I was satisfied too. I had made my new love happy.
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